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Calgary Flames

Dear Flames: You Suck. Get Out of Here.

The worst.



This is the worst day in Flames history.

I'm not wrong.

Iginla's been traded. We all know that. The return was, uh, not optimal. We all know that. The people running this team and making decisions are complete morons who apparently need help tying their shoelaces every morning before they leave the house. (God help them if they come undone at somepoint during the day.) We all know that.

However, what we did not know is how far everyone who works for the Flames has their heads up their asses. They're so far up there they can actually see the daylight from the other side.

Let's be clear here: Jay Feaster made special mention of why the Flames traded Iginla. Not because of a "rebuild" (he, once again, refused to use the word). Not because of trying to leverage a player past his prime into future assets.

No, Jay Feaster, Ken King, Mike Holditch, John Weisbrod, Michel Goulet and Murray Edwards traded the best player in franchise history because they deemed his contract demands to be too exorbitant.

They fucking deemed his fucking contract demands to be too fucking exorbitant.

I can't believe that statement. I'm stupefied by it. There is no process in my mind that can justify that way of thinking. That statement embodies the absolute arrogance and insouciance the Flames organization has come to be known for. They don't realize that the team needs to move on. They don't realize that It doesn't fucking matter what contracts they give out for next year because the TEAM IS GOING TO BE DOG SHIT.

Even if they did realize that blatantly obvious, face-melting fact, I have zero faith in this current group – from ownership down – to be able to make any kind of improvement to the team that is better than a net-zero. Let's take a quick look back, shall we?

  • Traded Robyn Regehr, Dumbfuck Kotalik and a 2nd for some god damn reason for an AHL Forward and a 6th Defenseman,
  • Signed 30-year-old Dennis Wideman to a 5 year contract paying him more than 5 million per year, which as a result artifically inflated the UFA market from last year,
  • Acquired PL3, McGrattan and Desbiens for assets. Doesn’t matter what the assets are, they’re still worth more than those half-hockey-players,
  • Signed Cory Sarich and Anton Babchuk to deals that were combined about 4 years too long and 9 million too much,
  • Wasted the first year of Sven’s ELC,
  • Kept giving sub-par goaltenders starts,
  • Was unable to sign Tim Erixon and traded him for two likely minor leaguers and a guy who may or may not play 3rd line minutes at some point in the future,
  • Waived Blair Jones,
  • Didn’t pick up Jussi Jokinen,
  • Wasted last year’s first round draft pick (twice!),
  • Refused to divest assets when they were actually worth big returns,
  • Made idiotic trades to recoup draft picks they had previously given away for no reason,
  • Continuously makes moronic statements filled with unearned hubris without any basis in reality,
  • Orchestrated the offer-sheeting of Ryan O’Reilly, which in and of itself turned out to be a fuckup of such immense scale it would’ve been a job-costing action for about 20 other GMs,
  • And, finally, traded the franchise player for two kids “they like” because of their hockey IQ or some other bullshit and not, you know, ACTUAL EMPIRICAL DATA THAT THEY DON’T SUCK AT HOCKEY.

And that's all like in the last year and a half. The draft record hasn't improved, they can't sign free agents unless there's a huge overpay and they seem to think their talent evaluation methods are far and away superiour for some strange-ass reason. They think they're the smartest guys in the room – and it's obvious to anyone who knows that phrase, that ain't a good sign.

I've been a Flames fan my entire life. I remember everything since Iginla's goal in 1996, when I had just turned 5. That means in the time that I can remember the Flames, they've had a 556-612-93-106 record, for a points percentage of 48%. The teams that have worse point percentages over that time frame: EDM, TBL (wait a minute…), NYI, ATL, FLA and CBJ. I've sat through 10-playoffless seasons (likely to be 11 here). They suck. The franchise sucks. It's awful and really outside of two years since I can remember it's been a chore to watch the games.

So, I guess all that is left is this: to the Flames ownership, and I say this with as little respect as is humanly possible – fire everyone, and then get the fuck out of hockey operations and never fucking come back. Watch the cash and that's it. 25+ other teams have no issue doing that.

Why do you?

by Richard Hammond